about
The Team
underground team
Emma
Emma is the sensible one. When something needs doing she is sensible enough to make Mary-Ann or Ruth do it. Emma is boss. We like Emma as boss, except for when she bosses us with The Stick… this isn’t so much a stick, more of a pellet gun which fires high velocity rounds. It hurts.
Emma’s faves – Fergal Sharky records, WWF wrestling, slam dancing and heavy metal. Emma also likes football and the fighting that can sometimes ensue.
Emma’s dislikes – Mini cheeses, cute furry animals and the ‘no girls’ policy for the National Ninja Association
Mary-Ann
Mary-Ann is the educated member of the team and the latest addition to the squad. While only being in her twenties, she has the mind of 97 year-old who spent their entire life reading classical literature and the Beano. It is a weid combo as her brain does actually have a wizened white beard (bit like Gandalf). A 97 year old brain is very delicate but this one is still coherent and articulate. The brain does not like the fact that Mary-Ann enjoys touch rugby.
Mary-Ann likes quality carpet shampoo and travelling via hot-air balloon – this can be problematic for commuting to work.
Mary-Ann dislikes beach games like French cricket and the patterns mowed into football pitches by the grounds keeper.
Ruth
Ruth is the Scottish Thistle. No, really she is. Ruth is our new office plant. Actually, she’s a real person – a bit like Pinnochio, just not a boy (that memorable quote, ‘I’m a real boy’). She’s the new GAP year person and she’s as Scottish as William Wallace shouting FREEDOM and haggis. After only a few days in the office she has begun a campaign for the male staff members to wear kilts.
Ruth’s faves – Haggis, blue war paint, Groundskeeper Willy from the Simpson’s and running for an extended period of time – commonly known as jogging.
Ruth’s dislikes – 99% of toasted monkeys and the Spanish phrase ‘con leche’ meaning ‘with milk’, especially when applied to the sentence, ‘would you like toasted monkeys… with milk?’. She has decieded that in this GAP year she will overcome this repugnance.
The Ireland team
The Ireland underground team has just increased by 500%. No, really. It’s like a population explosion.
Norman is the boss of the outfit. Unlike Emma, he doesn’t bother with sticks or pellet guns. Norman’s secret weapon is PowerPoint. Occasionally he will tell you to do something really clever with PowerPoint, but the computer will then realise that Norman is not in control of it and refuse to work properly. This way, Norman keeps control because the computer will obey him and only him.
Norman’s faves – PowerPoint, not coming into the office before 9:30, pizza delivery to the office.
Norman’s dislikes – early starts, go karts, pop tarts
Rosie is the senior member. Rumour has it that she is actually over 21. As she is a first-year student, she denies this strenuously and is occasionally believed. She explains the grey hairs by the fact that she works with Norman.
Rosie’s faves: Comber, cucumbers, trampolining.
Rosie’s dislikes: sitting in the law library learning case histories, the idea of toasting monkeys with milk.
Miss Laura is nearly as old as Rosie. She lives way out in the country and teaches small children to toast monkeys with milk. Ruth and Rosie are determined to change this.
Miss Laura’s faves: Taekwon-do, Norman’s pizza deliveries.
Miss Laura’s dislikes: rain, driving all the way into Belfast, monkeys without milk.
Ali is the hostess. She works in a cafe and serves everyone with tea and coffee whether they like it or not. They generally like it.
Ali’s faves: cats (not toasted or with milk), speaking French.
Ali’s dislikes: cabbages, people who don’t like tea or coffee.
David is the baby of the team. An obsessive Scrubs devotee, he sings his way around the office and occasionally slips off into JD’s daydreams. David is the computer whizz of the team, something that Norman is keeping a watchful eye on in case his secret PowerPoint weapon is exposed.
Dave’s faves: It All Comes Down To Poo, Guy Love, vintage Cox
Dave’s dislikes: being dragged out of JD’s daydreams to go and work with computers
Email underground Ireland to invite them along to your youth group, CU